secret keeping

The door to the roof was thrown open and a man stood silhouetted in the frame by the hallway light. A girl leaned on the wall behind him, chewing gum and twirling a set of keys on her finger. The man's mouth opened in a triumphant "aha!" and then snapped shut as he was greeted by darkness and the oily glow from the carnival lights down below.

"I thought you said he was up here."

Edna shrugged. "He was."

"What the hell was he doing this time?"

She shrugged again. "Couldn't tell."

Day groaned in frustration. "Next time you catch him up here, call me, don't leave to get me. Just wait up here and watch, make sure that little shit doesn't move... Got it?"

The girl nodded and popped her gum. Day slammed the door shut. Ethan could hear his heavy feet as he descended the steps, but Edna remained standing just behind the door. Waiting. Ethan could hear her breathing.

Ethan crouched on the ledge above the door. He took his bow out from underneath his arm and pulled it across the strings of his violin sharply. A wail rose in the night that blended perfectly with the screams from the riders of the tilt-a-whirl.

Ethan could hear Edna's smile from behind the door as she finally turned to leave. He knew she'd keep his secret, not out of a sense of duty or because she liked to torture Day with her knowledge. Because it was too good to share. Like Ethan, she liked to keep things to herself and think about them at night as she fell asleep, letting them swell up around her and cover her.

Ethan grinned and launched into Saraste's Zigeunerweisen, the tinkling carousel music as his accompaniment.

---

"Really, I don't mind. It was nice of you to try." Alex tucked the bear key-chain into her shirt pocket so its beady black eyes could peer out from over the top, mockingly. The stuffed elephant that I hadn't won watched our backs as we made a hasty departure from the booth.

I sighed and kicked a pebble. "Sorry my aim's not better."

She grinned. "I thought it was funny when you hit that guy in the arm."

"It was not!" I shouted. "He wanted to kill me! Did you see the size of his neck? It was wider than my torso!"

Alex shook her head. "I was too busy looking at the dart sticking out of his arm to notice his neck."

I kicked at a clump of grass sprouting out from a crack in the pavement. "There are those water gun things. I was always pretty good at shooting, well better than darts, anyway..."

Alex's eyes bulged and she swallowed audibly. "I don't think..."

"Don't be silly," I said, taking her hand and pulling her along with me, trying to ignore the fact that her fingers were squirming in mine. Am I doing something wrong? Should I let go? But I don't want her to think I don't want to hold her hand. I do. I just don't want to make her uncomfortable. Am I making her uncomfortable? Am I over thinking this? I know I'm over thinking this.

By the time I had made up my mind to drop her hand, we were already to the shooting booth, and it was her that pulled away from me. I turned to her as I reached into my pocket, pulled out my last five, and handed it to the guy in the booth. At least I'd already paid rent this month...

Alex was pale. Sweat shone on her face. She stared at the water guns. Her hands shook as she rubbed her shoulders and swayed on her feet like someone trying to keep their balance. "I have..." she croaked. "I have to go. I'm sorry," she whispered before running away.

I called after her, but she didn't come back.

"You gonna play?"

I frowned at the guy in the booth. "Can I just get my money back?"

He said nothing, just pointed to a sign on the wall beside the rack of prizes. No refunds.

I played and I lost and I went home empty handed.